actually, I'm a sock model
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
