I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
