fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
