I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
