Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
