I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
