Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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