Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
