hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
