That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I supernannyed him into submission
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
