Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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