Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
