i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
FUCK WHALES
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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