In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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