Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
