so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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