She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This is my gift to your gina
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
