my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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