That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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