so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
