So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
