The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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