Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
