I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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