my sisters under your porch take her home
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
