I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
