i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
they need to just BURY HIM!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
