I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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