I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
