The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
