apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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