Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
