and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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