i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
