Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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