Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
