If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's shark week go big or go home
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
