I accidentally burped into my bong.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
