Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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