imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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