So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
