how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
