You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
