My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
