Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
