A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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