Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
