let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
