I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
