Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
